Toilet Paper is Expensive!

She hurried out of the restroom aghast and amused.  “Mother, from what institution did you steal that toilet paper?”  Janet was making fun of my bargain toilet paper, the one you can read the newspaper headlines through.

You would think I was raised during the Great Depression.  That was definitely before my time, but I’m still frugal.  I have clipped and redeemed coupons for forty-five years, and I’m certain that if I had in my possession every penny I’ve saved over the years with coupons and comparative shopping, I would be driving a new Cadillac.

Take the time Jeremy and Janet, who were then youth pastors, brought newborn Sage home from the hospital only to find their yard forked with a multitude of pampers (clean and dry ones I might add) and a blanket of pampers taped to their garage door.  I offered to gather them up, fold each one, and have them ready to use for the next six months.  Look at all the money they would save!  But Jeremy wouldn’t even consider it.  No way was he going to put those pampers on his new baby daughter.  I had to look away as he gathered and placed them in a very large black garbage bag.

In defense of my thriftiness, I quote the words of Jesus in John 6:12, “Let nothing be wasted.”

Let’s go back to the toilet paper.  Grandson Graham, age eight at the time, walked out of my restroom one day proudly displaying the “cast” on his hand, this time made from high-quality toilet paper (purchased on sale and with a coupon).  It was almost an entire roll!  Before I could gently unwind his creation for its later intended use, he rips it to shreds and displays a perfectly healed hand!  It was a miracle!

I tried to explain to Graham that we shouldn’t be wasteful, but all he’s ever known is white toilet paper on a roll that he can spin off a twenty-foot long swathe with one well-planned movement.  I, on the other hand, distinctly remember visiting my grandparents’ home in the country as a child and going to their two-seater outhouse.  If there was no Sears and Roebuck or Montgomery Ward catalog available, then leaves would serve the purpose.

In 2020, America will celebrate the 100th anniversary of the wonderful invention of household toilet paper, and I will be looking for some big-time sales!